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Howdy y'all, this batch is originally from April 16, 1998 to July 19, 1998, enjoy your pants off.

Officially- 1:50 PM 4-16-98
50. 50 is half way to a hundred. Wowsers!

They have these drugs that they are coming out with nowadays that can cure just about anything. It doesn't make sense to me why they don't have some cure for the common cold, unless they do and the makers of all the useless cold remedy drugs have prohibited it's release, because they would no longer make any money on the sickly. Anyway, I've been seeing these commercials that say there is a new prescription drug to cure your migraine headaches, your tuberculosis and almost anything else. The problem would be, if you've seen the commercials you'll understand, if you have any other symptoms of any problem, you need to contact your doctor (so they make more money) before taking anything. Symptoms which include, if you have high blood pressure, if you are a smoker, if you drink lots of caffeine, if you are exposed to city air for more than 20 seconds a day, if you have 3 or more children under 5 years old, if you stare at your tv long enough to listen to all the symptoms, if you have had a headache in the past 17 years, if you drive on the highway for over .6 miles a week, if you suck on an exhaust pipe for anytime at all, and many others that they just keep rambling off for about 5 minutes. The commercial basically says that if you are alive, this new drug isn't for you. That's a damn good marketing ploy.

Officially- 1:33 AM 4-20-98
51. This is the "1st Annual Smoke 'em If You Got 'em" edition of my rambling that is this. 51 is here to warn you that this mothership page is getting a little too large for just one page, (I know you guys are probably tired of scrolling down too...) so prepare to be further confused sometime in the future, as will I.

On this past friday Stinky and I were riding to burger slut in her huge rental car, when we were in front of BIG K little mart there was, what looked like a woman from the neck up, but from the neck down she looked like a gorilla, black fur and all, all the way down to the feet. Are the gorilla people moving into the cities? If so, good I guess, I got no problem with gorilla people.

There is a good chance, and yes this scares the hell out of me, that I am going to something you may have heard of if you'd ever gone to high school, or seen any well made move of the 80's, it is called prom. Prom, when I went to high school was probably the thing that I wanted to do least, but seeings as I am a nice guy, and I've never been in a tuxedo, and it may be fun, so we'll see... oh yeah and I'll get made fun of at work. I will try to make the best of it though.
Driving home from dime's this evening I saw some sort of animal all bloody and yucky on the road, it looked like a cat. It's legs were up in the air and when I saw I couldn't get my car completely out of the way before I hit it, I tried to keep it in between my tires hoping I wouldn't hit it, but I did. Surprise. Damn near makes me sick. It was freshly hit before me, the legs were twitching, yuck.

Officially- 3:33 AM 4-22-98
52. Well kids this evening I had fun, nothing real exciting we just went out to play darts and it was a good time. Welcome to 52.

I drove around my normal block, which is just like 3 streets which happen to meet in a somewhat block, and it makes for a decent drive when I'm not ready to come home yet, and I pulled up a hill, up to a stoplight then let myself roll back until I stopped. Well, I kept rolling for like a half mile, and it's not a very big hill. It was funny.

The word "very" is weird.

Officially- 1:14 PM 4-24-98
53. This edition 53 is a bit rushed due to someone bitching at me to update my page. I've been busy partying, so this last update has been slow, as may the next few, 'cause my tired ass is busy as hell lately.
I'm getting antsy about prom. I have to find a limo. I have to dance like John Travolta on a really off night.

My stinky little life is getting complicated.

I have a pet peeve, it has to do with toilets. Put the lid down for the love of god.

Um, I would love to say a big fat thank you to all those who have not emailed me, concerning my picture on the ole page here, it's too late now though, 'cause it's staying off.

Officially- 4:03 AM 4-28-98
54. If anyone would like to think of, and donate to me, an ass kicking mexican costume, by this saturday (may 2) I would really appreciate it. Ya see, I am attending some goofy party at Bob's (Bob is insane) house and the motif is like Cinco de Mayo, and everyone is wearing crazy mexican get-ups, and I don't have one yet. Welcome to a stark naked edition 54. Yeehaa!

Sometimes I like to stand up and spin around as fast as I can until I either fall down or puke. Come to think of it, that's usually when I don't have any beer.

I fooled some dude named Pissboy into believing that my water bed wasn't filled with water at all. Funny you say? No, probably not until the part where I write that I told him it was filled with mustard, because it doesn't wave as much and it's more comfortable. He asked how I got all that mustard in my bed and I told him I had a lot of little packets that I squeezed into it. He believed me. Then Stinky (the maybe chick) said "oh, that'd be cold" To which I said "naw I just use spicy mustard." They are gullible with a capital GULL.

Officially- 1:49 PM 4-29-98
55. Well I'll be an unkies monkle! This is a tired 55. Check it out, you may fall in love.

Damn skippy baby!

Kids, I'm joining the psychic band wagon. You can get your absolutely accurate, free of charge, nifty difty psychic reading straight from the horses mouth (that'd be me). Alls you have to do is send me an email saying "Hey monkeyboy give me a free psychic evaluation!" And I will try to accommodate you. Ask me specific questions if you care to.

Officially- 3:01 AM 5-5-98
56. I have an audience for the first time tonight as I write to you from over in yonder village. You shall now be freaked out by update 56.

The story on the big prom night: it was a flop. I hope I didn't ruin my date's one and only prom by being a dud, but no one really seemed to be in the mood to be there, or anywhere for that matter. Oh well, such is prom. Going to a high school dance just made me re-realize one thing that I probably already realized a long time ago... high school really sucks, and so do the dances. Remind me not to go to another. Thanks

I saw butts today! We went to this hillbilly bar called The Yellow Rose (they have the areas only mechanical bull YeeeHaaa!) and on certain nights they've sold out to daisy duke contests and not so country music. Well, this just happens to be one of these nights and boy was it frightening. Butts, Butts, and more good butts. Actually there were only 4 chicks in the contest and 2 of them were nasty and the other 2 were just aight. I've never seen as many sluts in one bar though nonetheless. It was a veritable plethera of slutdom.

I'm tired of all these anti- cigarette commercials basically assuming that you want to quit smoking but your too weak to do it by yourself. HEY! I don't. So stop taking my valuable commercial time up. It's pissing me off.

Officially- 12:42 AM 5-12-98
57. Happy belated mothers day to all the mothers in the house, and you know which mothers I mean. My mom is supa-cool. 57 is this update and it's for some crazed reason one of my favorite numbers. Ask me why and I'll have to bite your pinky toe off, and I really don't wanna have to do that, but I will. Maybe.

I awake on weekends when I am at my house by these shouting and screaming little kids who live in the house behind mine, there are probably 3 or 4 of these little hellions running around making as much noise as they can possibly put out. Well as we all know, loud screaming kids are really annoying after a while. Well this delightful mothers day, I was, as usual, slightly awakened by these loud ass kids, then I was really awakened by mother dearest shouting out the kitchen window "Hey! Stop screaming! I'm tired of hearing it!" I could not sleep for anything now for all my laughter. It was one of the funniest things I have ever heard my mom do. Needless to say, the kids were immediately quieted down. Basically because mom could kick my ass and all my friends at the same time, not to mention some punk ass little kids.

The toilet fairies introduced themselves to the dimelady in an odd way this evening. It seems he comes home from work this afternoon, and sits inside his house. At about 9 or 10 he gets a knock on the door, it's his neighbor. He opens the door to look out and not only see his neighbor but also a free toilet! The neighbor says "uh, I dunno if you know this, but there is a toilet on your doorstep..." Dime was like what the fuck??? There was a note that said "Flush once for toilet fairies" He called me up and I laughed and laughed and laughed. He was freaked out cause he's a wuss.

I remembered something cool tonight when I got home, I was standing outside looking up at the almost full moon when it struck me, not the moon dumb ass, the fact that somewhere in my possession there is a telescope. WooHoo! So Upchuck and I take a drive and go and try to set up this confounded tripod in the dark, yeah, good luck to me. Anywho, the tripod ends up being pretty easy to work after I figure out the difficult part and overcome my lacking ability to actually work a inclined plane in the form of your basic screw. I am a moron. The moon kicked big ass and we could see all the craters and fun stuff that the moon is made of. If someone would like to, I would gladly accept a free, new (or used for that matter), big, kick ass telescope from anyone willing to donate. I'd even advertise for ya. Not that anyone actually reads this crap. Shroom me to find out how you too could give me free stuff.

Officially- 1:06 AM 5-15-98
58. 58 is cool.

I'm tired of not many people having any common courtesy nowadays. All day long I go around holding doors open for people and saying "hey, how's it going?" The usual response is... nothin'. Well then blow my goat people! There are too many people that don't say please and thank you and I'm getting fed up. Don't make me kick your ass.

Hmmm...

I wish I were a beatnik. Ya know like Gilligan on Dobie Gillis. That was the coolest of all old school shows. Gilligan were this beret thing and had a go-tee. He is a french beret wearing wussy.

There is some yeehaa fun if the form of pop rocks buddy.

Oh yeah!! Where the hell is my life size brain?!? Ok, you may have read something in one of my earlier updates about the life sized brain that sits on my coffee table, well it has been reported, somehow, missing. I think I realized it on mother's day but haven't remembered to write anything till now. Anywho, where the hell is my life sized brain dammit? Shit just doesn't up and walk off my coffee table, up some stairs, and out the door ya know. Dammit Jim.

Officially- 2:39 AM 5-19-98
59. WOOOOHOOOOO!! I was visitor number 1,001 to my website! Which can only mean that there has been damn close to, if not somewhat over, 1,000 people visiting this wacky little place. That is insane! How exciting!

Ok, I came within inches of having 3 aneurysms, a cadillac arrest, and a hernia and a half, today when looking for the damn remote to my vcr. You may have read something about how things seem to disappear. Well today I thought I lost my marbles when I couldn't find the remote. I wouldn't really care except for the part where it's Sarah's vcr, it's just in my house. I broke into her house and stole it. But not really.

I came home last night, went into my broken bathroom, and realized that something dropped something. A huge patch of tiles have mysteriously jumped off the walls, onto the floor and toilet and uh floor.

Why is it that?


Officially- 3:39 AM 5-27-98
60. Well damn kids! It's about fucking time. Sorry for my slowness to any of you that care. It seems that I have a newish girlfriend named Sarah. She kicks ass but she requires much of my time. Welcome to a you-wish-I-was-whooped, fat edition 60.

Ok, get this bullshit. Sarah and I go to Kings Island (the local amusement park) on monday. After our approximate 72 mile walk through the parking lot and actually entering the park, we decide to go sign up and willingly pay to be dropped, about 175 feet or something like that, to our death. Well, we sign up and dude says "soonest time we got is 2:30" I said ok, and then saw that it was only like 1 or so. That was plenty of time to head off to "Top Gun" which is this cool little suspended roller coaster. It is known and often commented on that I lose things, and this trip seemed no different. Kings Island is now the sole proprietor to at least 2 if not 4 or 5 of my items. The most expensive loss was my $140 dollar sunglasses, and I bought recently a new pair of only hunderd dolla shades and vowed that they would not get lost. I was ridiculed the entire 72 mile walk about losing all my belongings and I said I would not lose my sunglasses. Back to the roller coaster, we get on, I had my glasses on tight, and my hat on backwards, assuming it won't fall off, we get to the top of the hill, start to go down it and kinda sit back, the bill of my hat hits the headrest thing lifts off my bumpkin head, the wind catches it and it goes flying away. AAAAAAHHHH!!!

I'm slowly but surely losing my marbles too.

Officially- 12:12 AM 5-28-98
61. Whoa!

Washing machines amaze me. It's the simpler things in life ain't it?

I think I may sing my thoughts through my head sometimes, often enough that I don't realize it. That's wacky.
I also think that if we beat god... we win. Huh... Shroom me if ya wanna know more, the concept is possibly kinda interesting but also kinda out there.

Uh, still no findage of the missing life sized brain. Surprise Surprise Surprise! (to be said like Gomer Pyle USMC).
I'm sure everyone has heard this one before but it makes me laugh... What's in Olivia Newton's John? Gomer's Pyle. Now it doesn't get much funnier than that. Except for 3 guys walk into a bar, the 4th guys ducks. It really doesn't get any funnier than that. Except for Spaceballs.

Officially- 12:08 AM 6-1-98
62. Alright y'all get ready for update 62. They are gonna be weird thoughts but they may make you think about where you stand right now.

Ok I'm sure everyone has heard about y2k or the millenium bug or that thing that you heard wasn't gonna work come the year 2000. If that's all that you've heard you may wanna check out the problem. If you want a good place to see what could easily really happen go to Gary North's page and learn, but I will give you a good summary. Y2k is basically a problem that possibly could kill people or leave them without job's, house's, families, and everything we know. It really does have that potential hopefully we could get it fixed before it strikes but the chance looks kinda bleak. The way it gets fixed is by new computer programmers try and figure out what the old school programmers used for a code back in the day, the old school programmers are now either dead or too old to remember the codes. Therefore we may be screwed. (editors note as of 8-9-2009, y2k didn't happen... yet)

This is complicated.

This one is kinda gross. I found a collection of dust in the spoutal area of my waterbed and I thought of time back a while ago and how I learned about the dust mites that live off our dead skin and gross stuff like that. Anywho, I took a a washcloff and wiped out the dust and then took and to the bathroom and turned on the hot water, letting it get as hot as humanly possible, then I soaked the rag and said "bye bye" to what could have been an entire civilization of little beings. That made me think a little.

Officially- 2:04 AM 6-4-98
63. Guess who is going to the mile high state... or whatever it's called. That would be me! That's right folks, Sarah, Dime, and me, are taking on colorado. Yeehaa, I'm starting to get excited about it now. We leave tomorrow night drive for a thousand years get there like friday and be back here in time for work on this upcoming tuesday. It will rule. I almost forgot... Behold! 63!

Twelve hundred monkeys in this place, and I'm the one stuck grinding the organ.

On the way to work today there is a snowballs chance in hell that I saw some kid about 13 to 15 years old, in his front yard receiving oral sex from his dog. That's sick.

Sarah and I were out at lunch today and saw some little dumpy kid ride his skateboard across the street and on to the sidewalk where he proceeded to fall face first onto the concrete. It was the funniest thing that happened today.

Officially- 2:46 AM 6-11-98
64. Well kids, I have safely gone to and returned from the wooded wonderland we know as Colorado (pronounced cololalolalo). Boy was it fun. This is 64 (pronounced sixtyfoe) and yo mammas a ho.

Let it freakin rain! The drive back and forth from colorado wasn't too bad. Except for the part when we drove back and it rained harder and longer (pervert) than I've ever seen before. I also had the most amazing lightning show I've ever seen. There was only about 5 seconds, at the most, in between lightning bolts for 5 or 6 constant hours. Oh yeah that was in Kansas.

I bought a growing brain in the mile high state. Supposedly all you have to do is stick the damn thing in water and slowly watch it grow. Supposedly... I put it in water 2 days and a few hours ago and has it grown at all? Hayell no. I think I've been snookered. Bastards.

Speaking of being snookered, I apparently have, running around in my head, a laser that can cut toenail from 70 feet away. Damn, 70 feet! That's incredible!

I couldn't have imagined how beautiful Colorado was going to be. I got there and saw it and boy-o-boy was it outstanding. I didn't really think of the rocky mountains actually being rocky... call me dumb but the thought never crossed my mind. Anywho the rock part of the rocky mountains were super cool, just big fat boulders everywhere all different shades of red and orange, just wow. That's about the only way I can describe it, wow.

I won $4! The Ohio state instant lotto blessed me with an entire 4 bucks today. YeeHaaa!

Officially- 2:10 AM 6-16-98
65. Good morning kids! Welcome to this illustrious edition 65. On today's menu we have a fresh order of Boythatsucks, with a dash of Thought, and perhaps you would like a side order of some of our fresh cut Weirdness. We'll see about the last one, I think I got the first two covered though.

If I am not mistaken, I believe I have lost something that seems like a family member to me. I have had this thing in my (my being family's) possession since as long as I can remember, and now it may be dead. I can remember waking up and going and hanging out with this thing early in the morning, way back when my parents were still married, and now after all this time just waiting to happen, my beloved television has apparently given up the goat. You, dear TV, have treated me well and I will forever miss you, unless you somehow mysteriously work again. I love you and goodnight.

I have unforktunately come to the conclusion, whether it be right or wrong, that something super duper fucked up is going to happen soon. Something fucked up beyond all of our recognition and beyond all of our total grasp of anything. The best way for me to describe what may happen (because I have no clue) is just fucked up. I have possibly immaturely named it "The Great Rumored Depression of '99" It may be immature because I really am not sure that it will happen in 1999 but today when I thought of it, I thought "The Great Rumored Depression of '99" would be a good name for it. It would be a rumor for the most part because the majority of the people that saw it would be dead. That's kinda scary. The very few people that may live would have to repopulate and basically restart the world as we know it except for the fact that we know things like cars and computers and telephones and planes and refrigerators and things we take for granted are indeed possible even though we only then dream about them. In a situation like we would have, you have to think of some smart ass punks, who just happened to know how to write what they have seen in their past, and know just enough to cover their asses, to become the next God. You see the whole god issue could be as simple as that if you think about it. The great flood of Noah's times... someone could have been there with his buddy watching the water rise and saying "Hey man, you know what would be funny? If we wrote a book about some dudes that were all 'righteous' and boring and goody goody and got all the people who we saw to believe it is made by what made us" The other guy would sit and think for a minute and say "uh, HA ha Haaa haaaa Haa HA!" " He would then say lets call it the bible and make ourselves some of the good characters, you can be the main God since it was your idea and you can make me your son or something who does all your dirty work. If we could get all these people to believe us oh my would that be funny, you are an absolute genius."
Hebrews is kinda like hebrew as in "hebrews some coffee every morning when he wakes up.

I think I may be drunk er something.

Officially- 11:48 PM 6-22-98
66. Hello folks! Welcome to the edition that is half way to 132 but twice as much as 33, in other words, for all you smart mathematicians in the crowd, here is 66... ya gotta be quick don't ya?

I just now remembered that some dude I know puked in my fireplace once. That's really gross. Same dude, same night, broke my lava lamp. And now he is one with the Lord and he doesn't puke in my fireplace, nor does he break my no-longer existent lava lamps. Thanks for that one God, just in time.

uh...

Oh yeah, there is a decent chance that if you don't have the right colors, or right screen size, my page looks real crappy. Watch out for this problem, if you guess the right settings, my page may look a little better, but I doubt it.
You may have heard me talking about Hanks, I realized I have extreme Urinaphobia there and most rest stops too they all have bad toilets.

Officially- 12:54 AM 6-25-98
67. Well smack my bottom and call me Francis, here comes number 67 in this horse crap that I write. Edition 67, is dedicated my free doral lighter, you'll hear about this later.

I have tried to be nice, and will continue to be fairly nice, about the various sorts of animals that live in my house. I'm not talking about my lazy ass dog either, and that's my only pet. I'm talking about the little creepy crawly spidery buggy little bastards that decide my old falling apart house should become theirs. I tell them that they can't live here, then proceed to toss the noticeable ones in the toilet. I would like to take this opportunity to make a reach out to all the internet-using 4 to 6 to 8 legged creatures of the world, excluding my lazy ass dog, and tell them that they can not live here. I like these animals in general but I can't have them living in my house, so stay out please and I will try not to kill you. This does include raccoons in my garage.

I could have sworn that a long time ago when I received this "gift I wrote about it, but I can't, for the life of me, find where it's at on my page. So if you haven't heard about it before, I gonna tell you about it now. Back in what I'm thinking was like November or so of 1997 I went to the gas station and I needed a lighter. I walked in and only had like a buck 2 on me. I asked dude how much a bic lighter was and he told me like a buck 65 or some shit like that. I was like "bummer I don't have enough money" And he said "here save your money and take this free one off the doral pack" Thanks! Sweet, free lighter! Well I didn't like the lighter very well cause it was weird shaped and it was child-proofed and I don't like that too well, so I kept it in my car. Well as of today, it has passed. It will light anything no more. I have had that disposable lighter for some record amount of time, and used it quite often. It's stupid shit like that that keeps me going dammit.

Officially- 1:54 AM 7-2-98
68. Welcome to July! The month of my birthday. Yeehaa! everyone can just shroom me so I can inform them on what gifts to buy me (ha ha). This is edition 68 for those counting, which is basically me.

Let's see... I'd like to tell any radio stations that come in contact with my web page or me, that they are more than welcome to give me some sort of radio program, or my own station for that matter, because the music they play on the radio sucks. Everyone I talk to thinks the music on the radio sucks. Someone, somewhere, has to have a good radio station. There are about 3 or 4 decent radio stations in the Cincinnati-Dayton area, and that's only if you can receive their broadcast, and you have to constantly switch channels. The 2 "modern rock/alternative" stations both play for the most dreadful music, then they say something about "you are listening to the future". Haha! Sweet... Then after those 2 stations, you got a low budget alternative music station, which is not bad, but it's hard to receive and they play some goofy shit. I dig the good kinds of classic rock so there are maybe 1 or 2 more but they play a lot of garbage too. I need my own radio show or station so good music can be played. Sorry for my ranting.

Oh yeah! Me and Matt took our 2nd trip to the beautiful beaches of North Carolina over this past weekend. It, for the most part, was a good time except for the first accident we almost got in to. It seems that, in backed up traffic, on the highway, the car two car ahead of me was stopped and the truck in front me didn't realized it and he locked up his brakes, smashes into the car in front of him. I lock up my brakes and come about a foot away from smashing into his trailer hitch. Whew! Close call says me and matt. Later that day we were all fat and happy from eating pizza slut when I was driving down the road and I apparently didn't realize the car in front of me was stopped and I once again lock up my brakes as does the car behind me, unfortunately for me, the car behind me was a Chevette (pronounced shove it) and his brakes weren't as in shape, if you will, as mine, and bonk right into my bumper. Oops. Then we went and hung out in the ocean, that part was cool.

Prepare to spank the monkey.

Officially- 12:28 AM 7-7-98
69. Whoa! I just realized this edition number looks kinda cool, like yin-yang almost, look... 69.. huh! That's whacky. This is now declared the yin-yang (or whatever its called if that's not it, ya know, that circle cut in half all weird) edition of this writing shit that I do.

Every time I do the laundry I get amazed by how a washing machine actually gets stuff clean. I mean, old school I can understand, with the laundry bouncing off each other and shit, seeings as it would actually go up and down in the old school "parallel to the floor" style of washers. These newfangled machines just kinda keep your clothes in the same place then spin around.

It should be illegal to say the word subtle too loud.


Officially- 4:33 AM 7-8-98
70. Edition 70 has a chance to be me just bitching but I dunno. Watch below...

I hadn't realized, until just today, that the man may be, slowly but surely, brainwashing us punks to quit smoking our Camels and Marlboros and all other forms of nicotine. With all their higher cigarette prices, and no insurance if you smoke, and quitting smoking medicines, and these damn advertisements that say you can't stop smoking because you are a pathetic little excuse for an individual who needs to suck on something to get through the day. I honestly don't, for the most part, smoke for the buzz. I smoke to see smoke, I think smoke is neat. Chill out with the damn anti-smoking stuff. The people who smoke will smoke. Realize it for the love of god.

I have had thoughts disappear from my head for the past couple days, that pretty much bites the big one.

Officially- 12:54 AM 7-10-98
71. Today I was depressed, it kinda sucked. I'm not real sure what I'll write about. So be careful, you may step in something smelly here on episode 71.


Yeah, ok, I just saw ole Skunk Boy smack the head off a singing sunflower with a baseball bat. That's funny.

That's sad.

Sarah came over this evening after work and brought me flowers! I got flowers, that rules. She brought beer too. She kicks ass.

Officially- 3:11 AM 7-13-98
72. Uh... 18 days till my 21st birthday. Shroom me if you wanna go to the party, it'll be killer. 72 is by far the highest edition number that we are up too, as of now. It'll probably be higher in a couple days though.

Well kids, I was a cowboy for an hour yesterday. Twelve gallon hat, spurs, chaps, and all. Dime and I were duped into riding horses, bare-backed and naked, and having to actually pay 12 bucks for it. Now my butt hurts. YeeHaaa!! I hadn't ridden a horse in a really long time so it was pretty weird this time. I almost had fun but my senses kinda kept me from that. I also came close to getting decrapitated as my horse ran through some trees whose branches were about five feet off the ground. that was kinda cool.

I'll be damned! The life sized brain is back! The dimelady, on friday, said "hey did you ever find that life-sized brain?" My repsonse "hell no, I'll never find that thing" Well, through the miracle of modern cleaning, Poncho, much to my surprise, found the infamous life sized brain. How exciting is that?

There is a tv show on CBS, I think, that everyone who has the capabilities should watch, at least once. It comes on at like 3 or 3:30 AM on sundays, so you know it has to be a winner. It is called "Night Man" The reason I say you should watch it is because for the hour that it's on it's fun to say "Night Man" and basically watch him get beat up the whole time. Except for the last five minutes, where he uses all of the energy he doesn't use up playing the saxophone (his night day job). He is basically a big wuss. But boy is he handsome.

Officially- 12:30 AM 7-17-98
73. Well alright... here is seventy three. It is bound to be a wonderfully entertaining journey into uh... something.

Hey, hey, hey, let's see... Sarah bought me Men in Black a couple day ago and that kicks ass as I'm sure you'd heard before. I bought me the new Beastie album and if you don't know, it really kicks ass.


Ok, there's a place down the road that is called Moraine Farm. It is basically a huge old farmhouse that sits on top of a hill. The cool part you ask, well the cool part is they have a telescope. This ain't just any telescope, this is like a big ass telescope, the kind where the entire dome ceiling spins around 360 degrees and it has the slit down the middle that slides back when you want to see. If anyone knows why or what this place is, please let me know. They have a parking lot, with a lot service looking vehicles, but anywho I wanna use the telescope. I'll give someone like 10 bucks to let me use it.

Um... that's about it.

Officially- 11:40 AM 7-19-98
74. Howdy Folks! This here edition #74 is dedicated to the NTPA. They have changed my life.


Me and the dimelady were driving around and we saw the kissmobile. What, you ask is the kissmobile? It's this thing about as long as a bus, and it's topped off with the three damn biggest hershey kisses ya ever did see. It was nuts.
Oh yeah! The National Tractor Pulling Association. They rule! (yeehaa) Sarah and (yeehaa) I and (yeehaa) Melissa from work and her (yeehaa) boyfriend went and paid good (yeehaa) money to watch (yeehaa) tractors pull these really (yeehaa) heavy things as far as they can. This may seem to be a bit weird to some of you, it was actually pretty damn cool for a little bit. They had these things that were supposed to be tractors, but what they really were is something completely different. The had 2 little tires in front and 2 tires in back that were about 4 feet wide a piece, connected by what looked to be a couple 2 by 4's. Strapped to the boards were 4, count-em 4 jet turbine engines. Jesus man what the hell do you need 4 jet engines on a tractor for? They were pretty cool though, they sounded like planes about to take off. It was alright.

Raining like hell.

Whoa! I just finished off an entire angel food cake in one sitting. That's pretty good, hog boy.

 

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