Part II of The Wiley Adventures of Atomic Pee Man...Part II

Part II:

We left off with APM getting off the phone with the Road Rules people. He sits down and begins to think. "Them Road Rules people ain't too smart wanting to get involved with the crime of Chernobyl. Persons could likely get hurt."

About 45 minutes later a doorbell rings. Luckily our hero was just watching Three's Company and Ms. Furley was at the door. Jack didn't have any pants on when he answered the door, Atomic Pee Man laughed.

Suddenly his doorbell rings. He jumps up out of his chair to answer it.

"Hi! Atomic Pee Man I presume?"

"Did the cape throw ya?"

"I'm Camille McHenry, we spoke earlier on the phone. Where are your pants?"

"Well, hi! Howd'ya do?"

"Fine, thank you. I would now like to introduce the stars of Road Rules Chernobyl. First, is Atomic Lactating Ho, she doesn't talk much. Her secret special power is the ability to squirt atomic milk at perpetrators, with her teats. It sure is a site to see."

APM replies "Atomic Lactatin' Ho huh? That sounds intriguing, we'll have targets set up out back that you can melt down."

"Second, we have Atomic Pukin' Chick."

"Hi there! I'm Atomic Pukin' Chick. I like to pretend that I'm at frat parties and get really drunk. Chernobyl Beer does the trick for making me puke up an acid so vile I can cripple a herd of cows."

"Well... Pukin' Chick is that something you're proud of? What ever works for ya I guess. Can I call you Squeaky?"

"Uh... why?"

"'Cause your high pitched voice is already pissing me off and you've only said 40 words to me."

"Oh sure! Call me whatever you want!"

Camille chimes in "Third we have Atomic Toejam Boy in the Hood."

"Word up to your moms, I come to drop bombs, yo, yo, yo. I am Atomic Toejam Boy in the Hood 'yknow what I'm saying. I got this Toeja... well, has anyone told you not to go down to the LGB?"

"No" returns APM. "What's LGB?"

"Yo boy" says Toejam. "LGB is Long Glowing Beach biatch. Don't go down there. I was there a couple days ago, then again today picking up my rock and since I went down there, I picked up some nasty fungus on my toes. They glow brighter than the rest of me. There is an advantage, I can pick out all the toejam and fling it at criminals."

"Ok! Like I said, we got targets out back to practice on for a bit."

"Next we have Atomic Flemin' Bonghitter" says Camille.

"Hey man... what's going on dude?"

"How are you feeling, Flemin' Bonghitter, was it?"

"Yeah man... I'm feeling ahhight (h's are there to create the ahh sound). Do you wanna know my special weapon?"

"Sure!"

"Watch this shit dude!" AFB proceeds to pull out a 3 foot glass bong from god knows where. He plops down on the front lawn and fires it up. After about 30 seconds or so he blows out a huge cloud of smoke. Atomic Flemin' Bonghitter then lays down on his back staring up into the sky. Suddenly, as if shocked by the ground, he springs up, coughs up a big nasty lung cheese loogey and spit it on a manhole nearby. Nearly seconds later they all heard the very edges of the manhole cover snap apart and fall into the sewer.

"Damn" says Atomic Pee-Man. "Nice display! Nice bong too!"

"All in a days work dude."

"The fifth punk to fill in the ass of the show is, Atomic Sweatin' Jock." Camille whispers to APM "he ain't too smart." "Uh... Atomic Sweatin' Jock? You're on!" Camille sighs.

"Uhm did someone say weight training and high intensity calisthenics? I love them!"

"Whoa boy" says APM. "We'll have none of that around here, ya hear me?"

"What?"

"Never mind. What is your secret weapon thing?"

"What secret weapon?"

"You know, your special power?"

"The ability to shoot steroids into my ball sack, and still feel like a real man?"

"Uh, I doubt that's what I'm talking about..." Pee Man is getting frustrated.

"Huh?" Spouts the proud dumb guy.

"WHY ARE YOU HERE? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HELP FIGHT CRIME WITH US? fuck!"

"hmmm..."

Atomic Pee Man grabs Atomic Sweatin' Jock by the neck and... What the hell?! "My hands are starting to burn! OWW!!! Your atomic sweat is burning my skin!" Atomic Pee Man then hauls ass into the kitchen to wash his hands off. He walks back out front and says "Well, that's irritatingly effective."

Camille returns "ain't it though?"

"Huh?" from ASJ

"Well gang" says Pee Man, " it's nap time. Everyone can find whatever sleeping places they want. No wait, Atomic Sweatin' Jock?"

"Uh, no?"

"I haven't asked anything yet..."

"...what?"

"You have to sleep in the bathtub. With the shower running, I don't want your sweat eating up my bathing facilities."

Everyone lays down for their nap and sleeps about and hour and a half away. Atomic Pee Man is the first to wake. He wakes the others up by the loud superhero siren which screams "HEY EVERYBODY!!!! WRONG DOINGS!! WRONG DOINGS!!"

About 5 minutes later APM stops the siren waits. Everyone is finally there at seven minutes after the siren was rung. Except ASJ and Pee Man thought they might be better off without him so they let him sleep in the shower.

"This is a test of the Chernobyl Superhero Warning System, had there been an actual problem, you slackers could have cost human lives. This here siren is 5,000 watts and 358 decibels. That is LOUD! It still takes the fastest of you 6 and a half minutes to drag your butts in here. You can't expect to fight crime if you can't be more on the ball."

"We apologize APM!" says Camille. "Can we still be on the team for today?"

"I guess so, this does not sound like a good idea to me though. Amateurs do not belong in this profession. This is not a game, it is real life, if I have helpers, who are supposed to fight crime with me, I cannot afford to wait around. Luckily, this was a test."

Click here for the conclusion of Part II!